Something to Say

So nothing has been written here in a while.  Years, in fact.  And it's not really that I've been busy...or forgotten...or just had nothing to share.  It was more conscious than that.  The past 3+  years or so have been hard.  Deep-breath taking, tear shedding, exhausting, taking one day at a time kind of hard.  And this kind of hard is something that is just so difficult to put in words and something that really seemingly can only be shared from one military family to another...through something as simple as just one glance...one look...that says "I get it." 

So, I've been pretty quiet.  And focused more, through other places in person and online, on the ways in which we are so very very lucky.  We are healthy.  We have our soldier home right now.  We are getting to see and do things so many only dream of. 

But today I have something to say.  Because today is Veteran's Day, my soldier is currently hard at work (for the fourth year in a row on this day), and I find myself unable to keep quiet about how proud I am of him.  I find that I need to thank him, and all the other men and women in our military, for their selfless service to our country. 

I very much find myself deeply humbled to have the very great honor to bear witness to this man's amazing military career.

It is nothing short of awe-inspiring and I'm grateful every day for all that he and others do.  For all that our military does.  For the sleepless nights.  For the early morning starts to the day.  For the late nights where dinner is missed.  For the countless days and nights spent away from home and family.  For the willingness to put yourselves in harm's way so that we don't have to.  For the missed concerts, games, birthdays, anniversaries, births, and many other important days and events that are missed...and not just when deployed, but because it's all part of the job...even when "at home". For the constant training, deployments, meetings, moves, in briefs, out briefs, IPRs, VTCs and PowerPoint slides.  For doing all of this and so much more while also juggling the important role of father, husband, wife, son, daughter, brother, sister, friend....I say to you...thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you. 

From the bottom of my heart....thank you!

What Bravery Looks Like

I haven't been posting because I almost have felt like I can't post. Life after my last post got crazy. There was a mad rush to get our soldiers home and out of Iraq ASAP and there were meetings and there was planning. And then they came home.

And we had 6 blissful days.

And on that sixth day, we got word that they would deploy again to Afghanistan. It's honestly been very very hard to find the heart to write anything when there are almost no words for what we've been going through since that day in December.

But today was worth posting about. I have no words for today with regards to me because I just cannot speak of it. But these boys of mine...I must take a moment to say how very proud I am of them. Because today was the beginning of deployment number three for them and they face these goodbyes head-on and without complaint, despite their broken hearts and sobbing tears as the buses took Daddy away. I'm just so heartbroken for my little men but so very very proud of how they handled today.

It takes a lot...A LOT...to give that one last hug and then let go.
   

And this little one...although he's been in near hysterics all afternoon and evening since he left, he managed to hold it together for one last high-five for Daddy:
 

These brave little men of ours...T and I are so damn lucky to have them as part of Team Basye.

Little Moments

I went to a VTC a couple of weeks ago that completely shook our world...in a good way. Daddy is coming home. The downside to that news is that my volunteer position has been at full-speed since then with very little breathing room. So, I've been trying to capture a couple of those little moments that remind me of what is most important. Like, field trips for this guy:



and watching him ask the director of the pumpkin patch if he can pick the green gourd instead of a pumpkin because "it's so ugly it's cute" and then walking so proudly back to the tractor ride with his choice.

And being able to spend that field trip with this kid:



who was so so so proud of being on a field trip with the "big kids" and his behavior showed that he could handle it.

And watching this one catch an afternoon snooze in Daddy's chair:



because he feels close to Daddy there (it's his number one location for napping).

With President Obama's announcement Friday, I rejoiced and, at the same time, threw my hands in the air and admitted defeat in the battle to remind our families that the FRG and the command team are the number one resource for information on return timelines (Obama's timeline differing from command's). And this weekend, I turned it all off and made the choice to burrow down with my two littles and spend some quality time with what is most important.

Like birthdays for a certain 7 year old



who is so proud of the lanyard and attachments that he got from his treasure box from Tooey



and will now proudly tell you that he has a compass so he won't get lost in the house.

And while much of my day was filled with the frustrations of dogs needing to visit the vet and tires going completely flat on the way to a meeting, I took pleasure in the simple act of watching my boy proudly select his own birthday cake because Mama lost the time that day slotted for baking. And so we dined on hot-pink, Star Wars birthday cake



I read a quote recently that said, "A lot of parents will do anything for their kids except let them be themselves." I took that to heart and knew I did the right thing with his cake choice once I saw this smile:



We spent more quality time together this weekend...ignoring the rest of the world and its craziness. We played with new toys



and found out how fun shrinky dinks can be.





We read books





and Liam read me one all on his own.

We built Legos



and played.



And when I was asked to build, play, color, read...I'm proud to say that I said "Yes!" way more than "No" this weekend....giving time to tending those little moments that create big memories and happy families.

We ended the weekend with a birthday party for both boys that turned out to be exactly what we needed...relaxing for Mama and super fun for the littles.



The people who ran the place took care of everything...giving me time to enjoy the company of other mothers and sit back and watch my boys enjoy themselves. Instead of the craziness that could have been hosting a double birthday party on my own, they gave me the freedom to sit back and capture some little moments like this:



Yep...that's my boy sitting proudly on his own at what he called the "head table" because that is where birthday boys sit. I would have hated to miss that moment in time.

We are all tucked in and ready for the week ahead. We have a lot going on again but the goal is going to appreciate these moments and not let them pass us by. Because...in the end...this is life right here...these boys. And nothing could be better.

Proud

Being a mother, there are times when I can say that I'm proud of what I have instilled in these two little boys.

When I see their natural brotherly affection:



When they spontaneously pull out a board game and Liam teaches George how to play. Even better that they played the whole game correctly and cooperatively:



When Liam is genuinely happy for George to enjoy his birthday, saying over and over, "I'm glad he's enjoying his special day":



When they take turns on George's brand new ATV without prompting:



Each of them taking one loop around the yard and then switching off:



And especially when I hear Liam tell George that they playroom they were cleaning up wasn't done yet because he still needed to vacuum. And you know what? He pulled out the vacuum and got it done. I taught him that.

Being a parent is hard if you're doing it right. Being a parent during a deployment...well...there are no words. Trying to be both Mama and Daddy to these two little ones:



Trying to make 99% of the decisions on my own while still very heavily considering what Taylor would want. Because no matter where on this planet he his...he is still very much their Daddy and his opinions, ideals, and input very much counts.

And then to do all of this on top of all the crazy things going on without screwing up too much...well, that feeling of "I'm doing a great job" doesn't come too often lately between running around to tons of meetings, scrambling for dinners, having to say "I'm sorry, I can't play right now because I have to clean/do laundry/cook/deal with the phone/pay bills/whatever", and just a complete and serious lack of sleep. Most days I feel like I'm just swimming as hard as I can just to keep from drowning.

But I saw these little glimpses this week of hope that maybe I'm not always meeting my own high standards, but I'm doing okay. We're doing okay....these boys and I. Seeing the smiles on their faces during this very difficult time in our lives...









and knowing that I put those smiles there despite the sadness in their two little hearts...well...it tells me that we're gonna get through this. We're going to be okay. And we're going to be stronger for it. Team Basye is tough and we're proud and we're going to keep on keeping on until our favorite soldier...our rock...our one person that makes our house a home...returns.

Busy

This week has been busy busy busy!!! Full of FRG meetings and prepping for a little one's birthday tomorrow. So much of my time has had to go to Battalion stuff but I thought I'd write a bit about how my two little guys are doing. Liam is doing pretty well in school. He seemed a bit behind academically, at first, and I do think he'd struggle a bit if we put him in public right now, but he's catching up quickly. So much of last year was spent working on his social and emotional skills that some of the academics simply had to fall by the wayside. That being said, my little guy is doing great and I have zero concerns about where he's at. In fact, one of my favorite things about Montessori is that they work individually at the child's pace. Liam's strongest suit is definitely math and science. So, I couldn't be prouder of the books he's been bringing home and reading to me:




His behavior in school is fantastic! He even got to pick a special friend to eat in the greenhouse room with him (a special treat all kids aim for). He picked Allegra and announced that it was quite early to tell, of course, but MAYBE they'd get married some day. LOL! The one place Liam is still struggling is with the noise factor. The building he's has a completely open floor plan and is about 40 kiddos from 1st through 5th grade. It works VERY well and I prefer him to be in a multi-aged class, but he has a tough time with some of the noise level of the older kiddos. We are going to send in some of Daddy's ear plugs this week to see if that helps.

George is doing well. He is finally back to LOVING school again after a very difficult Spring at the Montessori. I can't describe how nice it's been going from screaming, crying and clinging to me every morning at drop-off at the Montessori to walking in all happy and excited...even announcing to me one morning that I didn't need to walk him in...he was fine on his own. Haha. He starts his day on the playground and LOVES it. He also loves checking on the plants and the greenhouse.



He's taking his lunch on Monday and Wednesday and stays in the extended day program and is doing really well with that.

My buddy also loves staying home on Tuesday and Thursday. We do a lot of playing together, reading, and...of course...dress up. His favorite is being a "scary pirate"



but always assures me that he is still my pirate friend. He also loves being a dinosaur



Not sure what we'll do when he grows out of this (soon, too).

This weekend was spent in recovery mode as I've been so insanely busy this week and I just needed to focus a bit on the house and my boys. We spent a lot of Saturday out front, sweeping up the courtyard and prepping it for cooler evenings by the firepit that should come soon. Liam spent much of the day dressed like his favorite person:



I also managed to hang up some cheap book racks by the boys beds. They are actually spice racks from Ikea but work really, really well. They each have one by their bed and I'll put some up in the playroom as well.





We also pulled out the Trios. I love playing with my little men and we all forgot how much we love playing with these building sets



Liam was particularly proud of the fact that he built the scorpion himself and built an ant for his brother.

Looking forward to a quieter week this week. Still a ton of stuff to do, but I think most of it can be done from home and not up at Brigade. Plus, we have an important birthday to celebrate tomorrow! Cannot believe our little G is going to be 4. Somewhat sad but happy we have a healthy little guy that we are so blessed to have in our lives. He really is a treasure.

This. Is. Hard.

This week was just hard. Cooking was hard. Sleeping was hard. Making lunches were hard. Even breathing was hard. Just a lot going on and a tone of negativity directed my way. But very often, there is a diamond in the rough and I am lucky to have two:



In all of these difficult times this week, just one smile from this little one turned it all around..even for just a little bit:



And I got to spend a lot of time with him, so that was great. We've finally got ourselves in a bit more of a routine and are able to keep up with a bit more now that we are home from all our travels and that has freed up more time for play. George and I pulled out a favorite one afternoon: magnatiles. We built a cool house with trees



and then he built a super long road "for Daddy".





This weekend was spent doing a few errands but mostly relaxing and having some downtime. I had a bunch of FRG stuff to catch up with and the boys enjoyed playing much of the weekend. On Saturday, we pulled out the Geotrax which the boys both still love, love love!



Liam got his first set when he was just over two and they are still going strong.



And I love that we now have a couple of trains and so they can both play at the same time.



Today, Liam declared that he would homeschool George. He spent most of the day doing just that. He did activities with him, read him "I Stink", played games with him, gave him a "30 second" nap, and made him lunch. At one point, I also heard them singing the ABCs together. They played so nicely together and had a good time homeschooling.

I'm so lucky to have these two little boys. The push me on through these hard times in their own little ways...with their laughs, their smiles, their hugs. I'm so grateful to God for giving me them and pray that this coming week is just a little bit easier on all of us.

Household 6 Signing In

I've been wanting to write on here for so long but I've been having a really hard time doing it. Writing about our lives right now would very much mean I'd have to acknowledge that this deployment is happening. We are two months in now and, of course, mentally I know it's happening. I can run FRG meetings, mail care packages, and talk about resiliency and how to handle those long days. But that's the Army wife in me. Taylor's wife and Liam and George's mom is having a much much much more difficult time acknowledging this year. Because while I can run an FRG meeting I have a much harder time telling my little boys that their Daddy won't be home for their birthdays or Christmas. I can mail care packages to my soldier but it's difficult including a whole lot personal in them. I run off of a "shopping list" of sorts of things he has requested or items that a typical soldier may want or need. And while I can talk to wives and families about resiliency...feeling resilient myself is a whole lot more challening. But the reality of the situation is....

He's Gone.

And he's not at NTC. He's not in the field. He's not in the building with the green roof. He's back in a war zone half way across the world. And reality is that when he got on that plane half of me went with him. And that hurts more than words can ever say.

But the good thing is...I AM AN ARMY WIFE. And that is the difference in surviving this or not. God made me an Army wife. He had a plan for me. He knows that I CAN handle this. That I may not feel resilient...but I AM resilient. I may not feel like I'll get through the next 10 months of this...but I WILL. I may not understand all the time how it's possible to keep doing what we are doing...but I KNOW that He knows what I can and cannot handle and I have complete FAITH in that knowledge.

And that is why I'm here writing this out. Because before I can move on to writing about all the little magical things that comprise my life surrounded by boys, I need to acknowledge several things beyond "this is happening."

I am an Army Wife....strong and resilient.

My soldier is an amazing person doing amazing things. He is making a difference in the world.

This is beyond difficult many days but I am not alone. I acknowledge that I have the Lord at my side helping me through this.

I am HH6 and I can not only handle this...I can excel at it. Just go ahead and watch me.